In order for your relationship to work well, it needs to progress. The way that relationships progress and grow stronger, is that each partner gradually invests more into each other. You start out by expressing sexual attraction, and then that you like each other, trust one another, and so forth, until you feel “in love” with your partner. The problem is that many people will tend to over-invest, losing value and coming across as needy, or under-invest, coming across as having poor long-term relationship potential, however attractive. When I began thinking about this in my own relationship, I realized that there is almost an exact system behind this investment process. In my research, I came across a very thorough book called The Relationship Cure, by Dr. John Gottman, which gave me a good language to express this system. What I have to share with you is quite different from John Gottman’s method, but if you would like to find out more about the interesting research that he has done, I would highly suggest that you get his book, or download it as an audio book.

When someone realizes that they have options for sex and companionship, and they already are fulfilled in their life, they may ask themselves this question – I know that it is one that my friends and I have often asked. What drives people to be in relationships, where there is often a lot of stress and sacrifice, when they could be single and not have to worry about another person? Why choose to formalize it so?

All of us, pretty much, have conflicting beliefs and desires about relationships, due to our upbringing and the pervasiveness of societal influence around us. It is important when you are in a relationship to be very clear with yourself as to why you want to be in a relationship, and why your current partner is suitable to fulfill those wants.

La mayoría de los hombres no saben cómo participar en una discusión o una pelea con su pareja de una manera que efectivamente profundice su relación. De hecho, una de las mayores quejas que escuchamos de las mujeres acerca de sus relaciones, es que sus parejas no saben cómo participar adecuadamente en las peleas. Tales hombres piensan que si simplemente suprimen el drama mediante la falta de atención al conflicto en cuestión – o que si utilizan evasivas con el fin de terminar el conflicto sin realmente tener que lidiar con el problema – pueden evitar el dolor de la pelea. Sin embargo, cada vez que se evita una pelea con su pareja, se debilita su confianza y conexión con ella. El objetivo de este artículo es la confianza y el amor que se puede formar a través de las peleas, y cómo lograrlo.

Sensual Touching

1. There are four stages of touch: caressing the hairs, caressing the skin, massaging the skin and massaging the muscles. It is good to progress through each of these stages.
2. Head massage, not something he’s likely to ask for, but most men love it. You can spread your fingers and nestle them into his hair, press down and use your fingers to massage in a circular motion.
3. Arms: caress the skin, then use your palms to run up and down the whole length. If you kiss it will make it more sensual.
4. For his chest, you can leave the nipples, but use your hands, hair, and mouth to stroke everywhere else. Move to nipples later if you want, but some guys may not find this as pleasurable.
5. A guy’s stomach is very sensitive; touching and pressing down gently into his skin and massaging there is

Everybody has Different Rules for Feeling Loved

It’s important to know, in any relationship, that different people have different rules according to which they judge if the relationship is good or not. These basic rules have everything to do with  a person’s past experience, childhood, and general conception of what a relationship is, and what love is. Decades ago, men found it difficult to tell their partner that they loved them. For some women, this was part of the “way things should be”, and they did not question it – for others, it was heartbreakingly insufficient. For these distraught women, they could not feel loved, until they were told that they were loved – this was a rule that they lived by.

Last week, two of my closest girl friends summed up to the grand total of three pregnancies scares in just five days. For someone involved in the world of relationships, advice, and sex, I think I should have been totally mellow and cool about the whole situation. Or, I should say, situations.

I was, however – and for lack of a better description: freaking out. I couldn’t help it. I consider both of them to be among the smartest people I know, not only in general and academic topics, but especially in sex and relationships.

So, how could they both have found themselves scared to death of being pregnant, three times in the same week?